“What you told me to do isn’t working, Miss.” I hear the anger building in Caleb’s voice.
I look down at the little boy sitting on the dirt path in front of Sarah and Billy’s home. “No?”
Caleb blows out a breath. “You said that when I get angry, I should pray to God so he can take it away.” He scowls. “But every time I pray, I just feel more angry.”
The first time I’d heard about Caleb he was hitting his little sister. He’s notorious for his anger and violence with all the children in these cluster of houses.
As the weeks passed with me tutoring Sarah and Billy, I would catch Caleb peaking at our little study group through the fence of cornstalk. I’d wave and he’d duck and skitter away.
Little by little, he’d venture out to the small road, his little sister at his heels, and wave to me as I left.
That was when I’d encouraged him to pray about his anger. But as I watch him now as he stares at the ground below him, his little chest moving with deep breaths, I can see the anger building up inside of him like a brewing storm.
I sit next to him and shoot a glance toward the door of Sarah’s house. They’ll be waiting for me. But all I want to do right now is talk to this angry little boy.
“So, you’ve tried praying?”
“Once. But, like I said. It didn’t work.”
“But when you asked God to help you…did you really mean it? Did you really want to stop being angry?”
He shrugs and fidgets with the toy in his hand. “I don’t know.”
I sigh. God, what can I say to this boy?
“How old are you, Caleb?”
“Eight.”
I drag in a long breath. My mind flashes with a million thoughts and adrenaline surges. I know in my gut, this conversation has eternal value.
“Alright, you’re eight. So, I’m going to talk to you straight how it is.”
He meets my eyes.
“You beat up your little sister because you get angry, right?”
A nod.
“And you get angry because you mom beats you, right?”
Another nod.
“And your dad beats your mom?”
He ducks his head and digs at the ground with his thumb.
God, help me. “Caleb, do you want to be like your dad?”
“No.”
“Do you want to be like your mom.”
A shake of his head.
“Then you have to make a decision.” A dog barks in the distance. Trees rustle in the breeze. I try to collect my thoughts but they seem so chaotic. The only thing I want to do is help this boy.
“Whenever you beat up your little sister, you’re acting no different than your mom or dad when they’re angry. That’s why you have to pray. So that when you’re angry don’t act like them.”
He continues to stare at the ground. A twinge of disappointment flutters through me. I’m not doing this right…God, what more can I say?
“Hi Miss.” A little gap-toothed girl walks over, her hair in pigtails.
I smile. “Hi Madeline.”
Madeline walks over to her brother and sits down next to him. He hands her his toy. I study them for a moment. Even though I know Caleb is violent towards her, every time I’d seen him, Madeline is never far from his side.
Madeline looks up at me. “Miss, how can we be good for God?”
I give a little laugh. What a great question. The chaos in my mind clears. The dust settles until one thought remains. These kids need Jesus.
“Well,” I begin. “We can’t be good at all. Jesus needs to enter in our hearts and he changes us.”
She tilts her head. “And how do get Jesus in our hearts?”
“You need to pray.” I glance at Caleb. Is he still listening? No matter, this little girl is. “You need to say, ‘Jesus—’”
“Jesus,” she repeats.
I pause for a moment. Was she going to repeat the whole prayer? Was that right? I push the thoughts away. Let God handle this girl’s heart. He knows her better than I do. He loves her more than I ever could.
I smile and nod as I lead the girl through the simple prayer. “I’m sorry for the bad things I’ve done. Forgive me of my sins and come into my heart.”
Madeline beams when she finishes. I glance at Caleb again. “What did you think—”
“Miss!” The metal door opens to Sarah’s yard. She and Billy rush out to the path. “You’re here! We didn’t hear you.”
I catch them as they throw themselves on me. They’ve come a long way from six months ago when I started going to their house to help with homework. They barely looked at me then and would shy away from my touch. They now know that with me they’re safe and can be loved.
I hut them and kiss their heads. “Well, I was talking to Caleb some before I—”
“Caleb’s mean, Miss.” Billy interrupts. His face scrunches in a frown as he sinks deeper into my lap. “He says bad words.”
“Yeah!” Sarah jumps up and points at him. “Yesterday he was throwing rocks at our house.”
I glance at Caleb as the accusations continue. He scowls, picking up pebbles and throwing them down the path.
“Hey, hey.” I grab Billy and Sarah’s hands and pull them to meet my eyes. “I was talking to Caleb now. And the things you’re telling me are making him angry. See?”
Caleb throws another rock.
I look back at Sarah and Billy. “What he did isn’t good. But way you’re saying these things aren’t very nice either.” I put on my teacher voice. “I would like to finish talking to him. Could you wait in your house for a few minutes while I finish up? I’ll be right there.”
After some protesting Sarah and Billy return to their home. Sarah stays by the gate, her arms crossed as she glares at Caleb.
I blow out a breath. Everything’s just become complicated again. I look back at Caleb. He slumps over, his shoulders drooping as if their words had deflated any encouragement I’d managed to give him.
“Caleb.”
He doesn’t look up.
“Tell me about throwing rocks at Sarah’s house. Is that true?”
“They didn’t want to play with me.”
“So, you got angry?”
He grabs a handful of dirt and chucks it. “Yeah.”
I glance at Madeline. She still sits next to her brother, her smile ever on her face. Unfazed by his anger.
I look back at him. “Do you feel lonely sometimes?”
He stops throwing dirt and nods, his head still bowed to his chest.
“Caleb, they don’t want to play with you because you’ve been mean to them. Maybe next time try to be nice.”
Silence.
“But you know something? Even though they told me those bad things you did, I still love you.”
He raises his head and stares at me, eyes wide. “Do you really love me?” His question is a little more than a whisper, filled with such surprise that I wonder when the last time was someone told him that.
I nod firmly. “Yes. Even though you behaved badly, I still love you. And God still loves you.”
He sits up straight. “I want a Bible.”
I chuckle. Children have such a way of jumping from one topic to another. “Can you read?”
“Yeah.”
I nod. “Alright, tell you what. Maybe you can go to church with me so I can hear how well you read the Bible, then I’ll get you one.”
“Miss, come on!” Sarah yells from her house. I’m surprised she’s been patient even this long.
I stand and slap the dust from my pants. “I’ll be waiting for you at church on Sunday. Meanwhile, keep praying for God to help you with your anger.”
Later that day, Sarah, Billy, and I take a break from studying and go to the store and buy some chips. I buy some for Caleb and Madeline. It’ll be a nice gesture.
We walk down the dirt path again. Sarah scampers ahead, leaving Billy and I to deliver Caleb’s chips. She still wants nothing to do with him. Billy and I near Caleb’s home but our steps slow as we hear shouting.
Caleb’s mother.
Billy and I peak through the trees toward Caleb’s house. He stands outside, stiff, head bowed as his mother yells at him. She turns away for a moment and Caleb glances up at us. His face flashes with fear, and he waves for us to go away. Billy nods and we duck back through the trees.
Was she angry at him because he asked for permission to go to church? The thought churns my stomach. But I won’t to regret our conversation.
We eat our chips and end our study time. After reading the Bible, I remind Sarah and Billy to continue to pray for Caleb.
They are still doubtful that God could love someone so mean and hurtful but I know that the Lord of all creation has a great love in His heart for this angry little boy.
